Erma Louise Bombeck /Erma Fiste/ quotes Born: 02/21/1927 Died: 04/22/1996 Country: usa

• A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Children make your life important. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• God created man, but I could do better. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years." (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. (Erma Louise Bombeck)
• I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. (Erma Louise Bombeck)

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