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Quotes of Cartoons; The Emperor's New Groove [2000]

  • [Kuzco and Pacha are tied to a tree branch floating in a river]
    Pacha: Uh-oh.
    Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
    Pacha: Yep.
    Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
    Pacha: Most likely.
    Kuzco: Bring it on. (unknown)
  • Kuzco: No touchy. (unknown)
  • Kuzco: [Kuzco hits Pacha] Yeah! That's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!
    [Pacha hits him back] (unknown)
  • Pacha: Let's end this.
    Kuzco: Ladies first. (unknown)
  • Pacha: Where'd you come from, little guy?
    Kuzco: No... touchy.
    Pacha: Demon llama!
    Kuzco: Demon llama? Where?
    [Turns around and sees Misty, a real llama]
    Misty: Maaah.
    Kuzco: Aaah! (unknown)
  • [after falling into the alligator pit]
    Yzma: Why do we even *have* that lever? (unknown)
  • [after falling into the alligator pit]
    Kuzco: Okay, why does she even *have* that lever? (unknown)
  • Yzma: Are you talking to that squirrel?
    Kronk: I was a junior chipmunk, uh, and I had to be versed in all the woodland creatures.
    [to squirrel]
    Kronk: Please continue.
    [squirrel talks to Kronk]
    Yzma: [walking away] Why me? Why me? Why me? Why...?
    Kronk: Hey, it doesn't always have to be about you. This poor little guy's had it rough. Seems a talking llama gave him a hard time the other day.
    [Yzma rushes over to them]
    Yzma: Oh, a talking llama? Do tell.
    [squirrel whispers to Kronk]
    Kronk: Uh, he doesn't really wanna talk to you.
    Yzma: Well, then *you* ask him.
    Kronk: [sigh] Hate being in the middle.
    Kronk: [speaking squirrel] Squeaky, uh, squeak, sqeaker, squeakin'. (unknown)
  • [after firing Yzma]
    Kuzco: [sing-song] So... who's in my chaaaaaair?
    Kronk: Oh, oh! I know! Yzma. Yzma's in your chair, right?
    Kuzco: Very good, Kronk! Here. Get the snack. (unknown)
  • [Kuzco considers seven potential brides who all look remarkably alike]
    Kuzco: Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. And, let me guess, you have a great personality. (unknown)
  • Kuzco: This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth. (unknown)
  • [on Kuzco]
    Yzma: Why, I practically raised him.
    Kronk: Yeah, you'd think he would've turned out better.
    Yzma: Yeah, go figure. (unknown)
  • Kuzco: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
    Yzma: Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.
    Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.
    Yzma: I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you. (unknown)
  • Yzma: Tell us where the talking llama is, and we'll burn your house to the ground.
    Kronk: Uh, don't you mean "or"?
    Yzma: [sighs] Tell us where the talking llama is, *or* we'll burn your house to the ground.
    Chaca: Well, which one is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction. (unknown)
  • [Yzma and Kronk are trapped in a dark locked room]
    Pacha's wife: What do you mean the door's stuck? Try jiggling the handle.
    Yzma: There is no handle in here.
    Pacha's wife: [holding the door handle] There's not? Are you sure?
    Yzma: All right, I've had enough of this. Tell us where the talking lhama is and we'll burn your house to the ground.
    Kronk: Er, don't you mean or?
    Yzma: [even more angrily] Err, tell us where the talking lhama is *or* we'll burn your house to the ground.
    Pacha's daughter: Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction. (unknown)
  • Yzma: It is no concern of mine whether your family has - what was it again?
    Peasant: Erm, food.
    Yzma: Ha! You should have really thought of that before you became peasants! (unknown)
  • Waitress: Ordering. Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout. You got all that, honey?
    Kronk: Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of Grandma's breakfast and change the bull to a gill, got it. (unknown)
  • Old Man: Oh, it's not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel. (unknown)
  • Pacha: Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
    Kuzko: Thanks for that. I'll log that away. (unknown)
  • [plotting ways to kill Kuzco]
    Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives...
    Yzma: [laughs]
    Yzma: ...I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say!
    Yzma: [knocks over bottle of poison on flower, which shrivels up and dies]
    Yzma: Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this. (unknown)
  • Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job now!
    Kronk: What about dinner?
    Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
    Kronk: How about dessert?
    Yzma: Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
    Kronk: And coffee?
    Yzma: All right. A quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job! (unknown)
  • Pacha: We shook hands on it!
    Kuzko: You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is...
    [wiggles hoofs]
    Kuzko: ...you need hands. (unknown)
  • [Yzma and Kuzco never see each other. When one exits, the other enters]
    Yzma: Make me the special. And hold the gravy!
    Kronk: Check. Pickup!
    Kuzco: You know what? On second thought, make my omelette a meat pie.
    Kronk: Meat pie. Check.
    Yzma: Kronk! Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
    Kronk: I'll have to charge you full price.
    Yzma: [annoyed] Ooh.
    Kuzco: Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?
    Kronk: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?
    Yzma: Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.
    Kronk: Cheddar spuds coming up.
    Kuzco: Spuds yes, cheese no.
    Kronk: Hold the cheese.
    Yzma: No, I want the cheese.
    Kronk: Cheese it is.
    Kuzco: Cheese me no "likee."
    Kronk: Cheese out.
    Yzma: Cheese in!
    Kronk: Ah, come on. Make up your mind!
    Kuzco: Okay, okay, on second thought...
    Yzma, Kuzco: ...make my potatoes a salad. (unknown)
  • Kuzko: Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal, be a friend? (unknown)
  • Kuzco: Boo-yeah. (unknown)
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