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Quotes of Cartoons; South park [1997] (Usa)
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Sgt. Harrison Yates: Let's give Blackie a welcome home.
[Mr. Jefferson turns around to reveal his face]
Sgt. Harrison Yates: Whoa, wait a m... That guy isn't black! Holy God, his son isn't black either! Oh Jesus!
[Over CB]
Sgt. Harrison Yates: This is Yates, stand down! I repeat, stand down! Suspect is not black!
[to Harris]
Sgt. Harrison Yates: You son of a bitch, you told me this guy was African American!
Det. Harris: It says right here on the filo sheet he is.
Sgt. Harrison Yates: Does that look like a black guy to you?
Det. Harris: It says so on the filo sheet.
Sgt. Harrison Yates: Jesus Christ monkey balls! We could have made an innocent man go to jail who wasn't black.
[Vomits]
Sgt. Harrison Yates: Jesus, Harris, what have we become? We're supposed to protect the people. Where have we lost our way?
Det. Harris: Sir, it's possible he is black, even though he doesn't look it.
Sgt. Harrison Yates: To hell with you! I'm never gonna frame an innocent man again unless I know he's black for sure! (unknown)
Man #1: [after a crowd tramples Kenny] Oh my God, I found a penny.
Man #2: You bastard. (unknown)
Cartman: ...my mom lied to me just like your parents lied to you and now where poor like Kenny's family
[Kenny walks over to comfort Cartman]
Cartman: Don't touch me Kenny. (unknown)
Mark Costwold: And, papa, I know you have tried to keep your daughter away from anything sexual, but look at her now: she's a goddamn whore. (unknown)
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Cartman: Oh, look what I did with Kyle's money. I had it changed into singles so I could roll around in it like this. Oh, Kyle's money. (unknown)
Chef: Try my newest concoction, I Just Went And Fuged Your Mama.
Cartman: Boy, he sure ran that into the ground. (unknown)
[on the kindergarten class president election]
Mr. Garrison: You can't have an election with just one person running, what's the fun in that? Ike, how about you? You're a genius.
[Ike looks at the others glaring at him]
Ike: No.
Mr. Garrison: Okay, our next nominee is Ike the Genius. (unknown)
Newscaster Ned: If irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now. (unknown)
Mr. Slave: Oh. I never should have shoved all those poor animals up my ass. (unknown)
[Chef bursts in on the Mayor and Officer Barbrady]
Mayor: Why Chef, what a surprise.
Officer Barbrady: You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on.
Chef: Actually, uh...
Mayor: Well, I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese mafia.
Officer Barbrady: Not a thingy-dingy. (unknown)
[preaching to the kids]
Cartman: Freinds ay' have to tell you dat last night, Ay' received a phone call from beyond da grave-ah.
Congregation: [collective gasp]
Cartman: It was our departed friend, Kenny, calling from da depths of Hell. And he described what Hell is like in horrid detail-ah. He said dat in Hell, da smell is awful. He said dat in Hell... everyone speaks Spanish.
Congregation: [collective gasp of horror]
Cartman: He said d'er is water in Hell, but if you drink it you pee blood out your ass for seven hours-ah.
Congregation: NO.
Cartman: And perhaps worst of awl... in Hell d'er are dozens and dozens of little trinket stores, but they all have the same little trinkets in dem.
Congregation: [collective gasp of horror] (unknown)
[addressing the damned]
Hell Director: Hello, newcomers and welcome. Can everybody hear me? Hello?
[taps microphone]
Hell Director: Can everybody... ok. Um, I am the Hell Director. Uh, it looks like we have 8,615 of you newbies today. And for those of you who were little confused: uh, you are dead; and this is Hell. So abbandon all hope and yadda-yadda-yadda. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation PROcess which will last about...
Protestant: Hey, wait a minute. I shouldn't be here, I was a totally strick and devout Protestant. I thought we went to heaven.
Hell Director: Yes, well, I'm afraid you are wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness.
Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man from Crowd: Well who was right? Who gets in to Heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the MORmons. Yes, the MORmons were the correct answer.
The Damned: Awwww... (unknown)
Singing Voice: A great adventure is waiting for you ahead / Hurry onward Lemmiwinks or you will soon be dead / The journey before you may be long and filled with woe / but you must escape th gay mans ass or you tale can't be told / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks journey / A distance far and fast / To find a way out of a gay mans ass / The road ahead is filled with danger and fright / but push onward Lemmiwinks with all of your might / The Sparrow prince lies somewhere way up ahead / Don't look back Lemmiwinks or you'll soon be dead / Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks / The time is growing late / Slow down now and seal your fate / Take the magic helmet and torch to help you light the way / Theres still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay / Ahead of you lies adventure and your stregnth still lies within / Freedom from the ass of dome is the treasure you will win (unknown)
Mr. McCormick: Hey. We don't say "fuck" at the table, you little asshole. (unknown)
Mr. Garrison: Don't lie, Stan. Lying makes you sterile. (unknown)
Fat Abbot: Hey, hey, hey, what's goin' down, y'all?
Rudy: Man, Fat Abbot, what you doin' on this side of the hood?
Fat Abbot: You know something, Rudy, you're like school in summer time.
Rudy: School in summertime?
Fat Abbot: Yeah, bitch, school in summertime. Open up your fucking ears, you fucking ho or I'll pop your bitch ass.
Mushmouth: I'm-a pop-a you-a bitch-a ass-a too-ba, Bitch-a. (unknown)
Stan: Hey, he's still alive.
[yelling into hole]
Stan: Kyle. Are you OK?
Kyle: I think so. Is Cartman up there?
Cartman: I'm right here, Kyle.
Kyle: Cartman, you *beep*ing hunk of fat, rat *beep*ing hunk of pig *beep*ing ass fat.
Cartman: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Say that to my *face*, pussy! (unknown)
Announcer: And now, back to "It's A Wonderful Life".
George Bailey: You can't just buy people, Mr. Potter. You know what you are? You're a little bitch. That's right, you're a bitch and I'll bet you'd like to suck it, wouldn't you? (unknown)
Scott: Who is this?
Saddam Hussein: Lets just say that I'm someone who can help you if you help me. Just call me your old pal Saddam Hussein.
Scott: Saddam Hussein? The Iraqi dictator?
Saddam Hussein: Hey relax guy, I'm just your average Joe. Take a rest.
Scott: What do you want?
Saddam Hussein: You want Terrance and Phillip *out* of Canada, I want you to bring my friends and me *into* Canada. That sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it? Super. Lets get started.
Scott: I'm not sure I should trust you.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, relax guy. Trust me.
[Ominous chord] (unknown)
Kyle: We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich for the same reason we rip on Butters for being wimpy.
Stan: And we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.
Kyle: And Stan for being in love with Wendy. And Cartman for being fat. And Cartman for being stupid. And Cartman for having a whore for a mom. And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Cartman: Hey. You did me already. (unknown)
[after being taken away to Africa by the government]
[sees Sally Struthers eating a cake]
Cartman: Gimme that cake.
Sally Struthers: [mouth full] No, this is my cake.
Cartman: Sally Struthers, you give me that cake.
Sally Struthers: No, you can't have any. (unknown)
Man: [from the Make-A-Wish Foundation] I know! I'll bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
Kenny: [muffled] No. Fuckin' Madonna...
[his words trail off and are hard to understand]
Man: What was that?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself.
[the Foundation reps are stunned]
Madonna: [appearing in the doorway] Should I come in now?
Man: Um, not quite yet. (unknown)
Mrs. Marsh: Hello, Mrs. Brovlowski, this is Stan's mom. I was wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick.
Stan: Aaaah. I have to get it out. (unknown)
Cartman: Looks like Stan's dad's been hitting the bottle again. (unknown)
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Yeah, I could use some goddamn poontang, myself, right now. (unknown)
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Cartoons; South park [1997] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5] | [6] | [7] | [8]
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