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Quotes of Cartoons; Hercules [1997]
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Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do? (unknown)
Hades: Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting. (unknown)
Hades: Pain.
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
[trips and falls down the stairs, landing on a trident]
Hades: Panic.
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; Pain falls and Panic trips on him; they tumble down the stairs]
Pain: Pain - Ow.
Panic: And Panic - eechk.
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty.
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here.
Hades: [shouting] What. The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms.
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms.
Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting. (unknown)
Zeus: Aw, Hades, don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration.
Hades: Love to, Babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. Love to, but can't. (unknown)
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Phil: Yeah, I had a dream. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right. Ah, but dreams are for rookies, kid. A guy can only take so much disappointment. (unknown)
Phil: Carefull, that's part of the mast of the Argo.
Young Hercules: The Argo?
Phil: Ya. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra? (unknown)
Phil: Listen to me. I've seen 'em all, and I'm telling you - and this is the honest to Zeus truth - you got something I've never seen before.
Hercules: Really?
Phil: I feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine. There is nothing you can't do, kid. (unknown)
Tour Guide: To your left is Hercules' villa. Next stop, the Pecs and Flex gift shop, where you can buy the great hero's new 30-minute workout scroll, Buns of Bronze. (unknown)
[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued by Hercules]
Hades: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.
Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?
Pain: I was going for innocence. (unknown)
Phil: Kid, listen to me. She's...
Hercules: A dream come true?
Phil: Not exactly.
Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil: Aside from that.
Hercules: The most wonderful...
Phil: She's a fraud. She's been playing you for a sap.
Hercules: Stop kidding, Phil.
Phil: I'm not kidding.
Phil: I know your upset about today, but that's no...
Phil: You're missin' the point.
Hercules: I love her.
Phil: She don't love you. She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Hercules: Stop it.
Phil: Low-down, lyin', schemin'...
Hercules: Stop it.
[Hits Phil] (unknown)
Hades: [after taking Hercules' powers away] You might feel just a little queasy. It's kinda natural. Maybe you should... sit down.
[Knocks Hercules down with dumbells]
Hades: Now you now how it feels to be like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy? (unknown)
Hercules: Meg, why did you... You didn't have to...
Meg: People do crazy things... when they're in love. (unknown)
[singing about Hurcules's fame and success]
Thalia: They slapped his face on every vase.
[Clio hits her in the head]
Clio the Muse of History: On every *vah*se. (unknown)
Meg: [after Hercules accidentally breaks the arms of a Venus statue] It looks better that way. No, it really does. (unknown)
Phil: I thought you were going to be the all-time champ, not the all-time chump. (unknown)
Hercules: So what's in Thebes?
Phil: A lot of problems. It's a big, tough town. Good place to start building a rep.
[Suddenly, a woman's scream is heard]
Phil: Sounds like your basic DID: a damsel in distress. (unknown)
[the Hydra appears]
Hercules: Phil, what is that thing?
Phil: Two words:
[Hydra shrieks]
Phil: Am-scray. (unknown)
Hades: I'm sorry. You mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.
Meg: Then read my lips. Forget it.
Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little mignon. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames]
Hades: [shouts] I own you. (unknown)
Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey. They bet on the wrong horse, okay? (unknown)
Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades: What... are... *those*?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and *you* are
[shouts]
Hades: wearing his merchandise?
[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic drinking a Hercules drink]
Panic: [chuckling nervously] Thirsty? (unknown)
Hades: Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way. (unknown)
Hades: Uh, guys?
[pointing over his shoulder]
Hades: Mt. Olympus is that way. (unknown)
[Hercules has been trying to kill the hydra, which now has umpteen heads]
Phil: Will you forget the head-slicing thing? (unknown)
Hercules: Pardon me. It seems to me that what you folks need is a hero.
Tall Thebian: Yeah? And who are you?
Hercules: I'm Hercules, and I happen to be... a hero.
[All laugh]
Elderly Thebian: Is that so? Have you ever saved a town before?
Hercules: Uh... no, not exactly. But...
Tall Thebian: Have you ever reversed a natural disaster?
Hercules: Well... no.
Tall Thebian: Will you listen to this? He's just another chariot chaser. This we need. (unknown)
Phil: [singing] So you wanna be a hero, kid? Well, whoop-dee-do. / I've been around the block before with blockheads just like you / Each and every one a dissapointment / Pain for which there ain't no ointment / So much for excuses / Thou' a kid of Zeus is / Asking me to jump into the fray / My answer is two words...
[Hit by lightning]
Phil: Okay. (unknown)
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Cartoons; Hercules [1997] | [2] | [3] | [4]
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