 |
|
|
|
Celine: Remember what they didn't teach you at Harvard Business school.
Robert: I didn't go to Harvard Business school!
Celine: That's a figure of speech, Robert. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Celine: Despite your crummy poem, I came to see you and all you could do was humiliate me and turn me away. I thought you were decent, but it turns out you're just a lying, cheating bastard like all the rest. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Celine: If word got around that I had been liberated for half a million dollars, I could never show my face in polite society again. Diamonds have no value except that which is placed upon them. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Tod: Do you think that I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you're good or evil? What do you think I am? Some kind of crazy backwoods lunatic with a barn full of human skulls and a scythe that I sharpen every day in readiness for Armageddon?
Robert: No, no, not at all, I'm sure you're just a regular kind of guy.
Tod: Right, I'm regular, I am a regular man. I want... but that's not the point! The point is, who are YOU? WHO ARE YOU? (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Robert: [practicing his ransom demand] Right, you asshole, I've got your daughter here, and I'm gonna cut her up, and post her home to you in boxes! *Small* boxes! (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Robert: Right you asshole, I've got your daughter here, and I'm gonna send her back in pieces if... OH! I'm sorry, madam. No, I haven't got your daughter here, I've got someone else's. No, we're not married. Yes, I've read the same thing, it's very hard to find suitable young men these days. Well, I'm sure your daughter's very nice, in principle I've got no objection to meeting her...
[Celine hangs up the phone]
Robert: What is the problem? (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Robert: You... you're going to kill me?
Jackson: Yeah.
[Robert cries hysterically]
Robert: Well then I don't see why I should dig!
Jackson: If you dig, I promise you when the time comes I'll shoot you through the head.
[Robert laughs bitterly]
Jackson: Now look, you don't like that? I can just shoot you through the testicles right now, you can bleed to death, I'll dig the grave, it's up to you. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Jackson: What the hell did you do to her?
Robert: I punched her in the face.
Jackson: Oh, you punched her in the face. She's half your size and you punch her in the face?
Robert: She had a gun!
Jackson: Oh, she had a gun! So that makes everything all right, does it?
Robert: No, I'm not saying it makes everything all right. I'm just trying to explain to you that for all I knew, she could have been a karate expert or something.
Jackson: With a broken arm? WITH A BROKEN ARM?
Robert: O.K., I'm sorry. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
O'Reilly: Our fee for the recovery of your daughter is... one hundred thousand dollars.
Naville: That's a lot of money.
O'Reilly: Five thousand in advance. The rest is cash on delivery - no daughter, no dough.
Jackson: And naturally we'd operate a sliding scale, whereby if we only bring back part of your daughter, we only get part of the money.
O'Reilly: That's enough, Jackson.
Jackson: No, I mean if he's cut her ears off and we can't find them, we'll knock a couple thousand off the tariff. More for a limb, obviously.
O'Reilly: Jackson.
Jackson: Sorry. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Robert: Are you taking me to a hospital? Because I don't want to die in a hospital.
Celine: I'm not going to take you to a hospital.
Robert: WHAT? What do you mean you're not taking me to a hospital? I demand to be taken to a hospital! (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
O'Reilly: We can do this with or without violence, it's up to you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?
Robert: Oh, without, please. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Al: Nice-looking woman.
Robert: She isn't my type.
Al: What are you talking about? Look at yourself. You're nothing. You're nobody. You're wanted in connection with a violent crime. You're cleaning the floor of a diner. She is an intelligent, passionate, beautiful, rich woman. The issue of whether or not she's your type is not one that you're likely to have to resolve in this world... or, indeed, the next, since she will be going to some heaven for glamorous pussy, and you will be cleaning the floor of a diner in hell.
Robert: I guess so.
Al: So why are you even thinking about it? (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Celine: You're in a lot of trouble, you know. My father's gonna have you killed. You realize that? Tortured first, naturally. Then he's gonna have you killed. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Jackson: I hate it down here. I hate the air, I hate the food, I hate the plumbing. I ache all over. I sweat in the heat and I ache in the cold. And why can't we stay someplace decent?
O'Reilly: Budget doesn't cover that.
Jackson: Exactly. Why not?
O'Reilly: You know those mysterious ways you keep hearing about, Jackson? Well, this is one of them. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Jackson: I remember the good old days. All you had to do was introduce a man and a woman, Nature did the rest. Doesn't work like that anymore. Men and women, it's all gone to shit.
O'Reilly: Sure has. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Gabriel: [reading Jackson and O'Reilly's case file] Divorce. Miserable Marriage. Wedding Canceled. Remarried, Divorced Again. Divorce. Ah, Irreconcilable Sexual Disharmony. Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce! (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
| Celine: I'm not interested in you, or your novel, or any other pathetic ambition you have to change your miserable, mundane existence. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Naville: Celine, why don't you give me the gun?
Celine: Because as he dreamt, I shall save his life with an arrow, an arrow of my love for him.
[she shoots Robert in the heart] (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
[Knock on the hideout's door]
Jackson: What is that?
O'Reilly: Answer it, Jackson.
Jackson: I can't do that. We're playing blackjack, she might cheat while I'm out of the room.
[Celine, who's bound and gagged, rolls her eyes]
O'Reilly: Fine. I'll answer the door, you play blackjack with the hostage. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Celine: So you're telling me that successful relationships... are made in heaven? Notfounded on the daily practicality... of two people being prepared... to tolerate the imperfections of one another?
Robert: It's not successful relationships, Celine. It's love. And it comes from a strange and wonderful place... that we don't know about.
Celine: So you also reject the idea... that love is merely an emotional adaptation... to a physical necessity?
Robert: Completely.
Celine: Are you serious?
Robert: Fate intervenes in people's lives. In ours, for instance. Fate brought us together. It kept us together. We were destined for one another.
Celine: Fate had a pretty strange way of making its point.
Robert: But that's part of the beauty of it. It's inexplicable, unpredictable... and absolutely beyond control or understanding.
Celine: But you nearly got killed.
Robert: But I didn't... and here we are.
Celine: Do you have any substantial evidence to back all this?
Robert: None at all.
Celine: And you realize that it's absurd and irrational?
Robert: I know that.
Celine: Then why do you believe it?
Robert: Because, Celine, I'm a dreamer.
Celine: Well, I guess that makes two of us.
Robert: Are you ready?
Celine: As I'll ever be.
Robert: Then let's go. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Naville: I want her back.
O'Reilly: Don't worry, we'll get her.
Naville: And I want him dead.
O'Reilly: That's understood, Mr. Naville.
Naville: Good.
[He places the suitcase with the ransom cash on the desk. Jackson starts to take it, but Naville slaps a hand down on it]
Naville: And when it's over, I want *this* back. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
[Naville's car, parked outside the cabin, rocks violently and banging is heard from inside the trunk]
Celine: Someone let me out of this trunk! Robert, he's going to kill you! He doesn't want the money, okay? He's going to kill you! Just run, Robert, run! (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
[Robert desperately searches the cabin for the ransom cash to hold off his own execution]
Naville: We're just gonna have to face the truth, Robert, you don't have my money! And frankly, I don't care. It's just a detail.
[as Mayhew drags an axe across the floor]
Naville: As long as you understand, that it isn't the money, it's the principle. (Movie: A Life Less Ordinary [1997]) | |
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Brian?s mother: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian: I wasn't!
Brian?s mother: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small? " (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do!
Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
Brian: A lot!
Reg: Right, you're in. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[a line of prisoners files past a jailer]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
[they all stab themselves]
Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh? (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord? (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Ex-Leper: Half a dinare for me bloody life story?
Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Ex-Leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and excuse my French, sir. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Reg: [arriving at Brian's crucifixion] Hello, Sibling Brian.
Brian: Thank God you've come, Reg.
Reg: Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, we are not, in fact, the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepare statement on behalf of the movement. "We the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. "
Brian: What?
Reg: "Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. J. , etc. " And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration, for what you're doing for us, Brian, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death] (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian?s mother: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Brian?s mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Brian?s mother: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.
Brian?s mother: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?
Matthias: No.
Centurion: Crucifixion!
Matthias: Oh.
Centurion: Nasty, eh?
Matthias: Could be worse.
Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?
Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.
Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.
Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
Centurion: You're weird! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, "Romans go home. "
Centurion: No it doesn't ! What's the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on !
Brian: Er, "Romanus" !
Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
Brian: Er, er, "Romani" !
Centurion: [Writes "Romani" over Brian's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Centurion: So, "eunt" is...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Brian's ear]
Brian: Aaagh ! The imperative !
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh ! Er, er, "i" !
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er, "ite" !
Centurion: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
Brian: Dative !
[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not the dative ! Er, er, accusative, "Domum" !
Centurion: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
Brian: Er, "Domum" !
Centurion: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: Hail Caesar ! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Pontius Pilate: So, yaw fatha was a Woman? Who was he?
Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?
Brian: 'Naughtius Maximus'.
[the Centurion laughs]
Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
Centurion: Well, no, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
Pontius Pilate: [guard chuckles] What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus? "
Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
[guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
Brian: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Brian: Aaah! Eh.
Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!
[guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: Wight! Take him away!
Centurion: Oh, sir, he - he only...
Pontius Pilate: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
Centurion: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
[takes the guard away as continues laughing histerically]
Pontius Pilate: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. - - Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
[another guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?
[more chuckling]
Pontius Pilate: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'...
[chuckle]
Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?
[both guards chuckle]
Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'... Incontinentia Buttocks
Pontius Pilate: [Guards are laughing] Stop! What is all this?
Pontius Pilate: [Laughing continues] I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not - Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?
Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!
Centurion: I have an order for his release!
Brian: You stupid bastards!
Mr. Cheeky: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Brian: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Centurion: Take him down!
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!
Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!
Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!
Brian: I'm Brian!
Victims: I'm Brian!
Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Mr. Big Nose: I'll get you for this, you bastard.
Parvus: Oh, yeah?
Mr. Big Nose: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.
Parvus: No?
Mr. Big Nose: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!
Parvus: Shut up, you Jewish turd!
Mr. Big Nose: Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan!
Gregory: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Parvus: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two.
Gregory: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling?
Mrs. Gregory: Oh, rather.
Gregory: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[Taking the gifts from the Three Wise Men and pushing them out the door]
Brian?s mother: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye.
[Three wise men leave]
Brian?s mother: Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Boring Prophet: There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: What will they do to me?
Ben the Prisoner: Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
Brian: CRUCIFIXION?
Ben the Prisoner: Yeah, first offense. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Biggus Dickus: Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!
[I may be of some assistance if there is a sudden crisis] (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Lead Singer Crucifee: You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Lead Singer Crucifee: [singing] Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Lead Singer Crucifee: [Dying on the cross] Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: some things in live are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble; give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best. And... always look on the bright side of life... (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[Brian is explaining why there's a crowd outside their house]
Brian: They must have just popped by!
Brian's mother: Popped by? SWARMED by, more like! There's a multitude out there! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Mrs. Big Nose: [trying to hear Jesus' sermon on the mount] Oh, it's blessed are the MEEK! Oh, I'm glad they're getting something, they have a hell of a time. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
| Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Stan: Listen I'm only telling the truth. You have got a very big nose.
Mr. Big Nose: Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide accross your face by the time I'm finished with you! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[On the run from Roman soldiers, Brain lands on a public stage prophets. Brian quickly decides to disgues himself as one]
Brian: [Unsure and stuttering] Don't... pass judgement... on other people, or you might be judged yourself.
Passer-by: [as if shocked] What?
Brian: I said, dont pass judgement on others or you might be judged yourself.
Passer-by: [in small, squeaky voice] Who me? Oh, Thank you very much! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[last lines]
Lead Singer Crucifee: [as end credits role and crucifees are singing "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"] It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. Some of us have got to live as well, you know. Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. I said to him, "Bernie", I said, "They'll never make their money back." (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
[first lines]
Wise Man #1: Ahem!
Brian?s mother: Oh!
[falls over in chair]
Brian?s mother: Who are you?
Wise Man #2: We are three wise men.
Brian?s mother: What?
Wise Man #1: We are three wise men.
Brian?s mother: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
The Crowd: The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
Brian's mother: The who?
The Crowd: The Messiah!
Brian's mother: There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away! (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Brian: [Brian is in a prison cell with Ben who is hanging from chains] Oh lay off, I've had a hard time!
Ben the Prisoner: You've had a hard time? I've been here five years, they only hung me the right way up yesterday. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Pontius Pilate: [Pilate is going to release a prisoner to the crowd] People of Jewusalum,
[Evrybody laughs at his speech impairment]
Pontius Pilate: Wome... is your fwiend!
[They laugh more]
Pontius Pilate: To pwove our fwiendship, we will welease one of our wong-doers! Who shall I welease?
Man in crowd: Welease Woger!
[Everybody laughs, and begin to chant, "Welease Woger"]
Pontius Pilate: Vewy well, I shall... Welease... Woger!
[Everybody laughs]
Centurion: Uh, we haven't got a "Woger", sir.
Pontius Pilate: Oh, okay. We have no "Woger'!
[They all laugh]
Man in crowd: Well what about "Wodewick" then?
[They laugh and chant "Welease Wodewick!"]
Pontius Pilate: Vewy well! I shall welease... Wodewick!
[the crowd laughs some more]
Centurion: Sir, there's no "Wodewick".
Pontius Pilate: Who is this "Wodewick" you speak of?
Man in crowd: He's a wobber!
[they laugh]
Man in crowd: And a wapist!
[more laughter]
Girl In Crowd: And a pick-pocket!
[Everybody shakes their heads at her and say no]
Pontius Pilate: He sounds a notowious cwiminal. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Francis: We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Commando Xerxes: What exactly are the demands?
Reg: We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her. (Movie: Life of Brian [1979]) | |
Lilo: [Nani is taking Stitch outside] He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about o'hana?
Nani: He hasn't been here that long!
Lilo: Neither have I. Dad said o'hana means family.
[Nani stops]
Lilo: O'hana means family. Family means...
Lilo, Nani: ...nobody gets left behind.
Lilo: Or...?
Nani: ...or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you use o'hana against me. (Cartoons; Lilo & Stitch [2002]) | |
Jumba: [captures Stitch] Aha! Now, all your washing is up!
Pleakley: You're under arrest. Read him his rights.
Jumba: Listen carefully.
[slams Stitch's head repeatedly against a palm tree] (Cartoons; Lilo & Stitch [2002]) | |
Pleakley: [Nani sees Pleakley and Jumba arrest Stitch] Don't interact with her.
[They turn their backs on Nani]
Nani: Where's Lilo?
Jumba: Who?
[Pleakley hits Jumba]
Jumba: What?
Nani: Lilo. My sister.
Jumba: Uh... sorry, we do not know anyone by this, uh...
Nani: |
|
|
