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  • Rachel: Everyone promises you happily ever after... but life turns into a different kind of fairy tale. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: I met this girl... but she's with someone else.
    Ella: Does she love you?
    Luce: I don't know... no... yes... but it doesn't matter.
    Ella: [gently caresses Luce's face] Oh... it's all that matters. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: You make me feel something I absolutely cannot feel. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: I can't...
    Luce: I know. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: Well, let's hang these flowers and get that jacket in some water. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: She's gay...
    Heck: As a tennis player. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: [Rachel and Heck are having breakfast in bed] I like this jam. It's really good jam. I should make jam. I could, you know.
    Rachel: 'Course you could.
    Heck: You don't think I could.
    Rachel: Not for a second.
    Heck: Anyway, I was talking to Rob yesterday.
    Rachel: That man's an ass.
    Heck: That man *is* an ass. But he's got this really sweet girlfriend. God knows what she found to love about him, but she does. He cheats on her like a nutter.
    [Rachel gets up and starts to get dressed]
    Heck: Oh, come back to bed.
    Rachel: I'm up now. Does she know?
    Heck: Well, I'm like, 'If you want to leave, tell her.' Are you really up?
    Rachel: I really am. Maybe he doesn't want to leave. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants.
    Heck: Anyway, he should figure it out before someone gets hurt... Why are you looking at me?
    Rachel: 'Cause you're a good person.
    Heck: You wait till I make jam. Then I'll rock your world. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: Do you guys believe in love at first sight?
    Zina: Well, it saves time.
    Rachel: No, really, that you could meet someone, or just... across a room, and with that one glance you could look in their eyes and see their soul. Do you believe that could happen?
    Beth: [long pause, takes a breath] No.
    Zina: Absolutely not. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: It's porn, right? It's degrading. It's offensive.
    Rachel: God yes.
    Heck: Yeah. Let's watch it anyway. Come on, Rach, I mean, things have been getting slack in that department recently. I know it's my fault, and it's... yeah.
    Rachel: No, it's mine... I... uh... but I don't want to watch this.
    Heck: [sadly] Why not?
    Rachel: It doesn't turn me on.
    Heck: Makes one of us. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Coop: I'm 29 years old.
    Heck: You're 31.
    Coop: Precisely my point. I'm getting older. And I see you... I see what you've got with... I can see that stability. And the trust, and permanence. And I think... God, I'm glad I'm not you. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: [Rachel wants to have sex in a park late at night] We've got a flat. It's a good one. And I've confiscated your mother's key so she can't sneak up on us anymore. I swear that woman's got a sex radar. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: [surprised] Coop!
    Coop: It is you, isn't it?
    Luce: What are you talking about?
    Coop: I wasn't sure when he told me, but I knew.
    Luce: What did he say?
    Coop: Tell me it isn't true, girl!
    [pause]
    Coop: Dumb slut!
    Luce: Don't start, Coop.
    Coop: Don't start? Her husband. Her flickin' husband calls me in the middle of the night. And you want to know how he was? He was busted.
    Luce: Coop, just get out!
    Coop: What was that you said? What was that? About how you shouldn't bust in on another couple's marriage?
    [Luce looks guilty]
    Coop: Stuck to that one good, didn't you? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: It's not you leaving that's going to kill me. It's you loving someone more.
    Rachel: No. you're not walking way. Don't... don't walk away from me.
    Heck: Yeah keep saying that. Pretend this is my choice.
    Rachel: What do you MEAN?
    Heck: Oh come on Rachel. We both know you'd have left me in the end.
    Rachel: That's not true.
    Heck: YES IT IS!
    Heck: [quieter]
    Heck: Yes it is. I want you to be happy. More than anything else I wanted to be the cause of happiness in you. But if I'm not, then I can't stand in the way, you see? Because what you're feeling now, Rachel, is the unstoppable force. Which means that I've got to move. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: You know I want you to be happy. And more than anything, I wanted to be the cause of happiness in you. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Ned: I love the smell of hot dogs in the evening. Smells like... hot dogs. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Tessa: This man's as useless as a fart in a jam jar. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: You're a wanker, number nine! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: Don't forget me.
    Rachel: I won't remember anything else. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: So, what about you? Are you married? Ever been married, ever going to get married?
    Luce: No. No. Maybe now that the law's changed.
    Heck: How do you mean?
    Luce: Well, I'm gay.
    Heck: [chuckles, then realizes that it's not a joke] Mmm... well done. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: What does the lily mean?
    Luce: The lily means...
    [pause]
    Luce: The lily means, "I dare you to love me". (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: Alright. Well... umm... tell me about the lily.
    Luce: You don't want to know about the lily.
    Rachel: It's my favorite.
    Luce: Ask me about the azalea.
    Rachel: Oh, alright. What about the azalea?
    Luce: The azalea means 'may you achieve financial security'. See?
    Rachel: [laughs] Lovely. Now, tell me about the lily.
    Luce: The lily means... the lily means 'I dare you to love me'. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Tessa: Cooper, that trollop. That man would shag an open wound. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Coop: Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
    Luce: It's not going to happen. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: BOOM! Hold that thought! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: The lily means "I dare you to love me". (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes... Then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole... (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: [reading to coworkers] In her acceptance speech, the distinguished scientist paid tribute to her husband, Dr. Chris Davis. Tomorrow the pair celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary after eloping together on the day they met. When asked how they could possibly have known that it would all work out. Professor Harrison replied in true scientific fashion: "We don't know, you can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don't love enough." (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Heck: Edie, are you gay?
    Edie: Am I gay?
    [laughs]
    Edie: I'm ecstatic! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Coop: Later on tonight, we're going to fall madly in bed. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Ella: [Coming into room dressed to go out, and seeing Luce looking rather dejected sitting on the couch] Sweet shit in a bucket,
    [Face softening as she sees that Luce is genuinely miserable]
    Ella: What's wrong with you? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: [It's the day after Luce and Rachel's "date" where Rachel almost kissed Luce. Upon seeing Rachel approaching her store, Luce, beams a smile] Hi!
    Rachel: [In a rush walks into the store] No! No! You're not happy to see me! You can't! I don't want you to be happy to see me! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Rachel: Okay. So do you see? You have to see. I... I can't do this. I can't actually do this. So whatever it is, or was, it's got to stop, and it's got to stop now, do you understand? It's over. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: Thorns! Thorns! In my bum! Ow! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Coop: I am a cure for lesbianism. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Edie: She's not just heterosexual, she's barbie heterosexual! (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Tessa: Will you fuck off with the fucking candles? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • H: Heck, I've got a question.
    Tessa: Not now.
    Heck: What's the question, H?
    H: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
    Heck: [thinks for a few seconds, then replies] I haven't got a bastard clue, I'm afraid.
    Tessa: There you are, you see. Now we can let him get married in peace.
    [She starts to lead H to the church to find a seat for the wedding]
    Luce: [Catches H before Tessa can take her away completely] It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist. You see, it's a trick question is the answer.
    H: [as Tessa leads her to the church] Can she sit with me? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: What's your name, anyway?
    H: Everyone calls me 'H'. They tell me it's short for Henrietta, but it's not. It's short for Jesus "H" Christ. That's what my mummy said when she found out she was pregnant with me. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Coop: [Standing at the altar with Heck] I fancy that flower girl.
    Heck: [Craning around to see if Rachel's coming] Yeah, yeah, I know you do.
    Coop: She likes me, right? I got a vibe that she likes me.
    Heck: Coop, it's my wedding day. Can we talk about me?
    Coop: Sure, yes.
    [Turns with Heck to see if Rachel's coming. Waits a few seconds, then whispers]
    Coop: Did you get the vibe that she likes me? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: [Has come for a glass of punch, but finds Rachel blocking the way] What, is something wrong? I'm here to help.
    Rachel: My ring. I was getting some of this punch crap and...
    Luce: Your wedding ring?
    Rachel: It fell off. Off and in there. My wedding ring is in there.
    Luce: And you tried the ladle?
    Rachel: Nothing.
    Luce: And you can't empty...
    Rachel: No.
    Luce: No, it's too big. Right. Only one thing to do. Cover me.
    [Starts to roll up her sleeves]
    Rachel: What?
    Luce: Use the dress.
    [Moves Rachel so that her body covers Luce's actions]
    Luce: I'm going in.
    Rachel: You can't just...
    [Looks over her shoulder as Luce prepares to fish around for the ring]
    Rachel: Oh, yes, really, you can.
    [Luce sticks her arm in the punch bowl] (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Edie: You need a love life.
    Luce: I have a like life. It suits me fine. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Ned: So, who's the lucky chap? What's his name?
    Rachel: Her name... is Luce.
    Tessa: Luce? As in a woman? As are you a woman? So you mean you two are lesbifriends?
    Rachel: It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to happen. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Beth: So, Ned. How long have you guys been married, then?
    Ned: Thirty Years.
    Beth: [tenderly] Oh.
    Ned: If I'd killed her when I first thought about it, I'd be out by now. A free man. (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Luce: You should ask her, you know.
    Heck: Bless you but... I couldn't ask Rach if there is anything wrong that would be way too scary.
    Luce: Why?
    Heck: What if there is? (Movie: Imagine Me & You [2005])
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  • Miss Prism: Do you mind if I take your picture?
    Cecily: No, I often like to be looked at. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • [on hearing that Jack's wastrel brother died suddenly]
    Miss Prism: What a lesson for him. I trust he will profit by it. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Cecily: You must not laugh at me, darling, but it has always been a girlish dream of mine to love a man named Earnest. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: I don't actually know who I am by birth. I was... well, I was found.
    Lady Bracknell: Found?
    Jack: Yes. The late Mr. Thomas Cardew, an old gentlemen of a kindly disposition found me and gave me the name of Worthing because he happened to have a first class ticket to Worthing at the time. Worthing is a place in Sussex. It's a seaside resort.
    Lady Bracknell: And where did this charitable gentlemen with the first class ticket to the seaside resort find you?
    Jack: In a handbag.
    Lady Bracknell: [closes eyes briefly] A handbag?
    Jack: Yes, Lady Bracknell, I was in a hand bag. A somewhat large... black... leather handbag with handles... to it.
    [pause]
    Lady Bracknell: An ordinary handbag.
    Lady Bracknell: And where did this Mr. James... or, Thomas Cardew come across this ordinary handbag?
    Jack: The cloak room at Victoria Station. It was given to him in mistake for his own...
    Lady Bracknell: [Shocked] The cloak room at Victoria Station?
    Jack: Yes. The Brighton line.
    Lady Bracknell: The line is immaterial.
    [begins tearing up notes]
    Lady Bracknell: Mr. Worthing. I must confess that I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To be born, or at any rate bred in a handbag, whether it have handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life which reminds one of the worst excesses of the French revolution, and I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to? (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: Do you mean you couldn't love me if I had a different name?
    Cecily: But what name?
    Algy: Well... Algy, for instance.
    Cecily: I might respect you, Earnest, I might admire your character, but I feel that I could never give you my undivided attention. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • [while Algy is pretending to be Jack's brother]
    Jack: [whispering] Algy! Algy! Algy!
    [Algy looks around, as if wondering who Jack's calling]
    Jack: Ernest.
    Algy: Ah, good morning, dear fellow. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Gwendolyn: In matters of utmost importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Gwendolyn: Where questions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitely beyond us! (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: You seem to be displaying signs of triviality.
    Jack: On the contrary, Aunt Augusta. I've now realized for the first time in my life the vital importance of being Ernest. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am? (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Gwendolyn: Let us preserve a dignified silence.
    Cecily: Certainly. It is the only thing to do now.
    [Jack and Algernon begin serenading them]
    Gwendolyn: This dignified silence seems to produce an unpleasant effect. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • [in the end credits]
    Jack: Algy, you're always talking nonsense.
    Algy: It's better than listening to it. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Cecily: What a charming boy, I like his hair so much! (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: Good heavens, I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.
    Algy: But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins!
    Jack: I said it was perfectly heartless of YOU under the circumstances. That is a very different thing.
    Algy: That may be, but the muffins are the same! (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Miss Prism: The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Cecily, Gwendolyn: [speaking together] Your Christian names are still an insuperable barrier! That is all. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: How you can sit there eating muffins when we're in this terrible trouble, I can't make out! It seems to me to be perfectly heartless...
    Algy: I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?
    Lane: I didn't think it polite to listen, Sir. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: But why does your aunt call you her uncle?
    [Reading cigarette case]
    Algy: "From little Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack." There is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt, but why an aunt, no matter what her size may be, should call her own nephew her uncle, I can't quite make out. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • [over the end credits, Algy and Jack rehearse their song to win back their girls]
    Jack: I think your high notes may have damaged our chances, old boy. You do want them to come down, don't you?
    Algy: Well, they're never going to come down while you're singing like that, you're completely out of tune.
    Jack: How dare you.
    Algy: I'll take this next bit.
    Jack: You leave this one to me, you go and have a lie-down.
    Algy: I'm doing it.
    Jack: Move out of my way, I'm coming through.
    Algy: Go easy, my dear fellow...
    Jack: [singing] COME DO-O-O-O-WN, LADY COME DOWN...
    Algy: Overdoing it, less is more. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • [Jack tells Lady Bracknell his address in London]
    Lady Bracknell: The unfashionable side. I thought there was something.
    [she reaches for the bell, but reconsiders and pulls back]
    Lady Bracknell: However, that could easily be altered.
    Jack: Do you mean the fashion, or the side?
    Lady Bracknell: Well, both, if necessary, I presume! (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: Bunbury? He was quite *exploded*.
    Lady Bracknell: Exploded?
    Algy: [pretending sadness] Mm.
    Lady Bracknell: Was he the victim of some revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation.
    Algy: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was *found out*. The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live - that is what I mean - so Bunbury died.
    Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: Come on, Gwendolyn, we have already missed five, if not six trains! To miss any more might expose us to comments on the platform. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: Well, I must say, Algy, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd! (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: I don't seem to care about anything anymore... I only care for you. I love you Cecily. Will you marry me?
    Cecily: Why, of course! We've been engaged for the past 3 months!
    Algy: ...3 months? (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Jack: You don't think there's any chance of Gwendolyn becoming like her mother in about 150 years, do you Algy?
    Algy: My dear fellow, all women become like their mothers, that's their tragedy. No man does, and that's his. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delecate, exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did it would prove a serious threat to the upper classes, and probably lead ot acts of violence in Grosvenor Square. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: I have always been of the opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?
    Jack: I know nothing, Lady Bracknell.
    Lady Bracknell: I am pleased to hear it. I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a very delicate exotic fruit. Touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately, in England at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor's Square. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: I don't know whether there is anything particularly exciting about the air in this particular part of Hartfortshire, but the number of engagements that go on seem to me to be considerably above the proper average that statistics have laid down for our guidance. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: 35 is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained 35 for years. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Lady Bracknell: Do you smoke?
    Jack: Well, Lady Bracknell, I am bound to say, yes, I do smoke.
    Lady Bracknell: That is well. A man should always have an occupation. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Algy: I really don't see what is so romantic about proposing. One may be accepted - one usually is, I believe - and then the excitement is ended. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. (Movie: The Importance of Being Earnest [2002])
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  • Sir Jeremy Burtom: [explaining what happened to the First Mate] I've found the stowaways! I've told the Captain but he doesn't seem to understand. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Emily: We don't find death. It finds us. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Emily: Do you know the gentleman who stole your wife?
    Happy Franks: [mumbles, as he takes a drink] Danny Sussman.
    Emily: Excuse me?
    Happy Franks: He was my agent.
    Emily: Some agent!
    Happy Franks: He was a great agent. I loved him like a brother, I loved my wife like a mother and a hooker, and look where it's got me, alone, afraid, and I just wanna die!
    Emily: Don't give up, Hap, don't wanna die. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sparks: [shaking hands] Do you feel that grip?
    First Mate: I do sir. I do.
    Sparks: Powerful enough to snap the neck of a small beast, and yet sensitive enough to caress the tender throat of a young castrato. Coax a song out of him. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sparks: Are either of you Greek?
    Arthur: No.
    Maurice: Well, yes, actually I'm half-Greek.
    Sparks: Top half or bottom half? (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sparks: Perhaps we should wrestle sometime. Do you like the taut roundness that exercise brings to the buttocks?
    Maurice: [uneasy] Yeah.
    Sparks: Do you enjoy the warmth of the Mediterranean sun on that self-same place? I once wrestled a man on the steps of the Acropolis, when the sun was at its height, wearing only what God sent me into the world with. Can you picture that? That's where we'll wrestle, my semi-Grecian lad. That's where I'll make a man of you. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Meistrich: The danger of the chase has made you perspire. It has made me also... moist. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Maurice: To life.
    Arthur: And its many deaths. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Arthur: Oh, no! We're going to die! We're going to...
    Maurice: Don't you see? This will be your great dramatic death!
    Arthur: I DON'T WANT A REAL ONE! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Marco: But I've never killed anyone before!
    Sir Jeremy Burtom: Well, you''ll have to fucking learn.
    Meistrich: It's really not that hard. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sparks: I jest, I jive! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Audition Director: Yello. Oh, hi, hon. Keep going it's my wife the producer. Hi, hi hon. So ah... whassup hun? No, it's, ah, it's going well. Hmm, ah, yeah you know, I said I was sorry and I meant it. No, no. That's why I'm not gonna behave like that anymore. Where are you? What are you doing with him? You what? You're saying to me that you're leaving me for him? This is what you're saying to me? Well, yes, naturally I'm shocked. Of course I'm shocked. I, ah... Does this mean that you're pulling your money out of the show? No. No. I will not find anybody else to put money in this play be... , everyone thinks it's a piece of shit. Where are you now, be... because I'm coming down there right now, I'm gonna bite out both your throats. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Happy Franks: Don't kid a kidder, kid. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Arthur: [as a cockney beggar] Please, sir, I want some more. Y'see, sir, I've not eaten for fourteen days since me mum died of the group.
    Maurice: Croup.
    Arthur: Croup. Of the croup, she died, leaving me and my mentally ill brother, 'ere, to fend for ourselves. Murdered, she was, in 'er bed by one of 'er johns. Y'see, sir, she sold 'erself to feed us. She compromised 'erself for oursakes, leaving us all alone and 'ungry and 'omeless and my poor brother needs a brain operation and my glaucoma's gettin' worse and sir... SIR!... SIR? I can't see you sir! I can't see you sir! AHH... AHH... I'M BLIND!... AHHHHHHH! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Maurice: So I insult him?
    Arthur: Yeah, yeah, tell him you think his pastries are no good, okay?
    Maurice: Oh, good idea, good idea.
    Arthur: Yeah. Say that they're stale.
    Maurice: Hey, buddy, your pastries are stale!
    Arthur: Right, but don't say buddy, just say ssss... sss... you're sss...
    Maurice: Your pastries are stale!
    Arthur: Yeah, you, your pastries are stale! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Arthur: My point is, sir, that you would not know a good creampuff if it jumped up and licked you on the ass. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Maurice: [has just finished eating a pastry; part of a scheme to get free pastries] I hate them.
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Oh, I'm sorry; to each his own. There's another bakery shop down the block whose wares might be more to your liking. Thank you for coming in.
    [to Arthur]
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: May I help you, sir?
    Arthur: Yes, would you excuse me a moment? I'm sorry,
    [to Maurice]
    Arthur: I couldn't help but overhear, excuse me, sir, um, but may I say that your rudeness to this hard-working gentleman is uncalled for.
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Please, sir
    Maurice: I beg your pardon.
    Arthur: No, I beg yours, sir. I happen to know that this gentleman
    [refers to the baker]
    Arthur: is one of the finest pastry chefs on the Eastern seaboard.
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Well, thank you.
    Arthur: You're welcome.
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Do I know you?
    Arthur: Of course you do.
    Maurice: What's your point?
    Arthur: My point is, sir, that you would not know a good creampuff if it jumped up and licked you on the ass.
    Maurice: Well...
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Sir, it's just a difference in taste.
    Arthur: No, no. this man is clearly an imbecile.
    Maurice: Ah, an insult!
    [quietly to Arthur]
    Maurice: I'm in-I'm insulted?
    Arthur: Yes.
    Maurice: I'm insulted! Well, I am!
    Arthur: Oh, well good-good-good-good! Well, I'm glad you are! But I'm sure you're not as insulted as this gentleman!
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Oh, I'm not insulted.
    Arthur: Oh, yes you are! The man works all day like a mule to support his miserable family.
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: Well, here now, my family isn't miserable. We're all quite happy!
    Arthur: No, you're not! You're miserable and pathetic, look at you!
    [ignoring his protest]
    Arthur: All day, working like a lackey from rise to set sweating in the eye of Phoebus!
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: I love my work!
    Arthur: No, you don't! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • [first lines]
    Maurice: [as they discuss an act which they did] I'm sorry.
    Arthur: You stole my death. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sheik: [explaining what happened to his gramophone] I was listening to the music, and then there was no more functioning; only silence. And when she was singing no more, I got so exited, I tried to pull it, but I scratched it and I hurt it. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Mrs. Essendine: [talking about her husband] That philanthropic cocksucker left all the money to the poor and not a dirty dime to me! Oh, Mary, Mother of God, what have I ever done to you? Life... without money is no goddamned life AT ALL! You know that! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Maurice: [taking off his drag costume] I'm a man!
    Sparks: So am I! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Arthur: What a fool you are!
    Baker in Kramer's Pastries: I am *not* a fool!
    Arthur: Oh, yes you are!
    Maurice: Sir, you really sholdn't talk to this gentleman that way. You like the cream puffs. I *don't* like the cream puffs.
    Arthur: FUCK THE CREAM PUFFS! THIS MAN IS A SLAVE AND AN IDIOT! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Mike: [about Burtom] Drunken son a bitch! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • First Mate: [in foreign language] And I'll return to you our deposed queen; who bathed in champagne while we never bathed at all.
    Regina, Woman on Radio: [in foreign language] I bathed.
    First Mate: [in foreign language] WELL, I DIDN'T! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Sir Jeremy Burtom: Be careful! Anything happens to this profile, it's the death of my film career.
    Burtom's Assistant: You don't have a film career.
    Sir Jeremy Burtom: I'm too fucking good to have a film career! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Captain: All aboard! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Lily 'Lil': [after hearing Arthur reminisce on Paris] You know Paris quite well.
    Maurice: He's never been there.
    Arthur: Not physically. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Bandleader: Shall we start the first number?
    Happy Franks: Yeah, "The Nearness of You".
    Bandleader: Isn't that a little...
    Happy Franks: [terse] What?
    Bandleader: ...slow?
    Happy Franks: Do you know it?
    Bandleader: [uneasy] Yeah.
    Bandleader: Then play it.
    Bandleader: Ok. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Marco: [Arthur and Maurice explain that the First Mate has planted bombs aboard the ship, but Marco doesn't understand] He's a gardener?
    Arthur: What?
    Marco: Well, how many bulbs did he plant? (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Captain: I'm always a little sad. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Happy Franks: Don't kid a kidder kid! People are afraid of poverty, of war, of pestilence, of not knowing who they are or what they want, of dogs, and I say - Don't! Don't fear these things! They're not real. You want something to fear? Do you know what to fear? Love. Fear love. Love is real and it is terrifying. If you're going to be afraid, be afraid when someone says...
    [he is cut off in mid-sentence as other camera angles show the other characters say "I love you" in different ways]
    Johnny Leguard: [to Mrs. Essendine] I love you.
    Maxine: [to the sheik] Je t'aime.
    Captain: [to the deposed queen] Ti amo.
    Meistrich: [to Lili] Ich liebe dich.
    Sparks: [to Maurice, who is dressed in drag] I lo-
    [Maurice stops him]
    First Mate: [in foreign language, to bomb which he hid in his coat] I love you.
    Emily: [to Happy] I love you! (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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  • Johnny Leguard: Essendine's a goose ready for cooking. (Movie: The Impostors [1998])
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